


Sweeter

by Stacy LA Stronach (slashgirl)



Series: Reflection [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-07
Updated: 2006-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-10 18:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/102970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashgirl/pseuds/Stacy%20LA%20Stronach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reid thinks about Hotch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweeter

**Author's Note:**

> For LJ's psych_30: prompt: rationalization

John Dryden once wrote: "Pains of love be sweeter than all other pleasures are."

Spencer Reid lies with his body pressed against his lover's. Aaron Hotchner is sound asleep but Spencer can't seem to stop his mind from working enough to allow himself to fall asleep. They're in another anonymous hotel room, in yet another city that isn't home, chasing yet another vicious UNSUB.

Before Boston, before Gideon's breakdown, Gideon and Hotch always shared a room and Spencer shared with Derek Morgan. That was before …this. Before they became lovers. Now, even though Gideon is back with the team he shares with Morgan while Spencer and Hotch share a room and a bed.

Spencer moves even closer to Hotch, his head on the older man's chest, his arm wrapped around his waist. When he moves, he feels Hotch's arm tighten around him, even in sleep. Spencer likes it when they have to travel for a case because that's the only time he ever gets to keep Hotch in his bed overnight. When they're home, they manage to steal an hour or two here or there. Hotch can never spend the night because he's got to get home to Haley.

Sometimes, Spencer feels guilty about Haley but most of the time he doesn't. He knows it's probably rationalisation but he figures she gets most of Hotch's time and attention…. What little Spencer manages to get, he refuses to feel guilty about. He loves Hotch and sometimes wonders what it would be like if they could be together all the time. Spencer knows the odds are against that ever happening but some small part of him holds onto the hope that it will. After all, nothing is impossible…some things are highly improbable, though.

Hotch has told Spencer that he loves him and Spencer has no reason to doubt him. He knows Hotch well enough to realise the man wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it. Hotch has told him that he still loves Haley although he says he isn't IN love with her. She's the mother of his child…and Spencer thinks that that is something he can never compete with nor overcome. There are many nights he's lain awake wondering if he can ever have what he wants: Aaron Hotchner as his lover, no more hiding, no more running around, no more guilt. One thing Spencer is almost perversely grateful for is that Hotch has never promised him anything: no promises of leaving Haley and Jack, no promises of staying with Spencer forever, no promises of making a life together. That would hurt more than Spencer could bear…

Sometimes, when they're at Spencer's place and Hotch is climbing out of his bed because he has to head home, sometimes, Spencer wants to tell him it's over. He wants to tell Hotch to never come back. He wants to tell him it breaks a small piece of his heart every time he has to watch Hotch leave his bed. He wants to tell him that not being able to have Hotch in his life as his lover and mate is ripping him to shreds.

But Spencer Reid never tells him that. He never tells Hotch those things because, deep down, in his heart of hearts, he knows that all the pain is worth it for nights like this, worth it for the stolen hours, worth it for the touch of Hotch's mouth on his, Hotch's hands on his body….

It's worth it to hear Hotch say, "I love you, Spencer."


End file.
